Thought for the day: motivation comes in several different flavors. If you want to motivate yourself (or others, but that's another story) to do something, you can take three approaches, basically; you can try to use force or pressure, you can try to use the prospect of treating yourself afterwards, and you can accept the fact that the task at hand is necessary, useful, or otherwise required.

The first two methods correspond to the stick and the carrot, if you will. Similarly, one might say that the latter two correspond to talking yourself into something and actually convincing yourself, respectively.

It's easy to see that the first approach is flawed, but it's important to realize the second is, too: if you only do things because you tell yourself "if I do this now, I'll treat myself to a big bowl of ice cream afterwards — I'll have earned it!" etc., then you'll still wind up feeling dissatisfied, all in all.

There is an interesting correspondence to what I recently said about work here, too. If applied to work, the "stick" approach would correspond to chattel slavery or indentured servitude, things that society has thankfully (mostly) abandoned; the "carrot" approach and the "acceptance" approach still both exist, though, and correspond to doing a job you don't ultimately enjoy – work, in that linked entry's terminology, in other words; in case it's not clear, BTW, the carrot/treat here is the payment you receive – and doing something you identify with, something that's part of your life in a way that goes beyond "Mon-Fri, 9-5".

On a side note, I think it's also important to keep in mind that things like relaxing, giving yourself time to unwind, or taking care of yourself (which might well include that large bowl of ice cream) aren't bad things by themselves, far from it. The problem with the "treat yourself" approach is not the treat; it's the causal link between the treat and the task you're doing, and the fact that without the former, you wouldn't do the latter.

Other than that, regarding role models, I've found today that it's an interesting Gedankenexperiment to ask myself "WWZZD?"[1] when unsure what to do — or even how to make the most of a given situation. In fact, the latter is arguably the more useful use case for this, as it helps you identify flaws and shortcomings in your daily routine, things that could be changed or improved but that don't actually make you unhappy enough for you to consciously realize you might benefit from changing them. In other words, it's a tool for self-reflection and (ultimately) gaining clarity.

Of course, it doesn't really depend on what character you're using there; I'm merely using Zig Zag because, as mentioned before, I consider her a good role model, an independent and strong-willed woman, someone who's at ease with herself and in touch with both her mature and her raunchy side and who doesn't deny either. She comes across as someone who's well-balanced, even-tempered, self-contained and collected; at ease and at peace with herself, and in balance. As said before, that's something I'd like as well, and I'm trying to move away from and beyond the reactionary, non-controlled, ultimately immature and unbalanced behavior I see in myself and others.

1. "What would Zig Zag do", for those unware of the "WWJD?" meme and its cultural reception (often in the form of parody).

Not much going on, Work hours are LAME... Been off sunday, wednesdays, or saturday mondays, or some other weird combo here or there. I'll be at MFF come hell or high water. Already booked the flights, so work is gonna let me go or they're paying for my future trip as far as i'm concerned. yep.
But on my weird off days they been productive. Keeping my room tidy and clean, watching my $$ and diet and been doing a bit more photography and photo organization.. Posted some on FA: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/eaglebeagle/ Thats about all really.

This has Been an EB news update, stay tuned for further information as it becomes available.

yes that's cheesy i don't care :)

Ughh. My boss just informed me everyone's hours at work are getting cut. Not only was October ruined by car crash, but now November is with this news. ;_;

I really think so, think so think so.
For sex, no drugs, some wine, no women, for fun, for sin, some you know-when there is dark.

Ok, that's enough of that.

Update: I shall remain permanently in the netherlands, and am on track for citizenship within 18 months to 2 years. I have re-structured my finances in such a way that the tax debt I need to pay, plus other burdens, will all be paid in correct order. Already in the last few months, I have found myself in better state financially then the previous 3 years.

I reside with Hyper, two danes, and 6 serpents in the attic of a friend. Hilversum, not too far from where I was before, is a wonderful city filled with joy, crime, crazy drivers, ludicrous amounts of shopping, and a huge post office (where I can get my registered mail during normal business hours, not just 0800-0930 in the morning), all within an easy walking distance. There's also anna's hoeve, a giant nature preserve, where the dogs can go for a serious romp, only 2.5km from our front door.

Before the month of November passes us by, the bathtub comes in from the garden (that was my project last weekend, acquiring the freestanding 200kg beast). Oh, it shall be grand. I have burdened my hosts with all sorts of changes, but for the most part, they are improvements for everyone. At the very least, these changes keep my junk out of the hallways leaving just enough room for feet.

Guests are a bit problematic, for overnights, because our attic is crammed with the essentials of business, dogs, snakes, and home cinemas. However, if you like the intimate setting of bedfloor, and want to take some long dog walks, then do ask about a weekend :)

Not yet sure how long it will be for finding a new place in my own name again, as I have to fight some battles on return of my rent deposit, and also be creative with paperwork. Lots of landlords now want some oddly high income proof before they rent. I guess the flood of immigrants from other EU nations has everyone changing their terms. Or perhaps they loose the standards when they see the "right kind of tenant". Eh, who am I to say. When I can, I will have my own home again, but for now, this is quite comfortable, and things are going smoother than I expected.

The final benefit of this new arrangement, fitness. All the stairs and dog walks are keeping me from the sedentary schedule I would often keep, and my muscles are thanking me for it by showing through more than ever!

85% at my chinese test
TAKE THAT, ITALY !

Good grief...I'll be 45 in 6 weeks.

Doh! (X.x)

I feel old but silly! Heehee....

Where's my presents? ;)

*Giggles cutely*

So I am prettymuch really falling in love with Honda Elements. And I've been doing some shopping around and pricing and came to the conclusion that I kind of don't want to get into doing another car loan, and so I just need a biiiit more to add to my savings account so I don't make myself completely poor after dropping all my cash on a used car.

Of the things I have to sell, I've decided that primarily I don't need so many fursuits. And out of my fursuits that I have, I posess two that I could put up for sale if there is enough serious interest. I want them to go to private buyers rather than just posting them on a public auction site (like ebay), mainly so I can choose the best offer, and hopefully get them to go to buyers who will take them out a lot, since I'd love to see pictures of them in their new homes.

The first one I have is Mangle, an Akita.
http://www.matrices.net/mangle.asp
Since Mangle is one of malameux's characters we made up just to be his fursuit, Mike asked me to be willing to change Mangle's facial markings to be less like Mangle and make it become a new character for the buyer. Primarily less black on the face, and probably taking off the white on the top of his snout, and making his eyes friendlier. It will still be an Akita, but just not Mangle. I'd be able to work with the potential buyer on this, but I'm not going to be changing the foamwork too much.

( Akita costume details )

The other costume I have is Cathlamet, a wolf.
http://www.matrices.net/cathlamet.asp
If there was any interest in Cathlamet she would come with a few badges, and even the couple of LJ icons that I have for her. Also a nekerchief, and some scrap grey fur, I have very little (or possibly none) of the other colors, though. But the cream on her legs and belly is is DF fur.

( Cathlamet's details )

Both costumes have Always been worn with UnderArmor underclothes. And have been kept clean, maintained, and brushed out. They are kept in a room Turbo (my dog) is not allowed.

I'm going to screen the comments so if you have an offer for me to consider or anything you'd like me to know. I'll unscreen other comments. You can also e-mail me if you're interested, too. And then we can discuss things further.

If you have 15 minutes, let this brighten up your day :)

You're only 8 years late! (Beware, it's lulz.net. Might be NSFW, depending on what people continue posting in that thread.)

I guess the word to describe myself of late is bitter. I try and bury it, deep down, and often succeed. But then I'd be lying if I said the last four weeks have been easy. Practically everything that could have gone wrong has done (barring my relationship) and I have been consumed by cynicism and hatred as a result. My levels of tolerance have decreased and although I can sometimes turn these feelings into humour, more often than not the whole thing just consumes me and I become a downright nasty person.

But closure may be close now. It's looking like I will finally be able to move in with Wolfie in January. I'd hoped for sooner but it's better than not being able to do it at all. The ridiculous working hours situation is also going to be addressed. By the time I come back from Hungary, there should be a new system in place.

Meanwhile, my flooded flat in Middlesbrough has now dried out and new flooring has been put down. I should be able to move back in later in the week so at least I have internet and my own private toilet back. My new flat is okay but it is a compromise and it would definitely be good to be back "home" again.

I am more positive than I was but a lot needs sorting and there is still a long way to travel. Thankfully, I have Wolfie as my understanding guide and through all this, I must admit that I love him more and more with each passing day.

I was down at the London Meet this weekend and with a lack of usual suspects and familiar faces, it was an opportunity to meet some new furs. A few knew me from Twitter, others from local truckstops in Thurrock (the road there is quite nice, as are the breakfasts) but it was a relaxed and sedate meet. Spent a lot of my time with slinkat and nutsy, chewing the fat and someone else's cold chunky chips that had been left on the table.

My tail was pink, which raised a few eyebrows and even voices in the sparsely populated bar. I met Rugbywolf, whose shoulder I inadvertently fractured again (probably) and we all meant to gbk to chew more fat, not to mention overpriced gristle (£36.40 for two meals at a burger bar is a little ridiculous I feel). The garlic sauce was too garlicy and the conversation too spicy as we focused on the political hot potatoes of the day. And some computer nonsense I didn't understand.

Then it was off to Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, which was neither in Cheshire nor had any cheese, thus blantantly pissing over the Trade Descriptions Act (1974 - if anyone cares). It was a Sam Smith's pub though so it had Alpine Lager. It was like a trendy dungeon - what All Bar One would have done with The Tower Of London had they bought it. They even brought their own form of torture in the form of six loud Americans who were sitting on the other side of the bar but who I could hear above the conversation that was going on at my own table. Apparently the Red Sox are going to win big this year.

There was a large gathering but slinkat, Wolfie and I decided to seclude ourselves in the corner where we had a three hour conversation about physics. I have waited over seven years for my Physics degree to become useful and finally, it has happened. Still, I was a little rusty though - nowadays I think quark is a German dessert rather than a sub-atomic particle. I bumbled my way through though.

The rest of my time in London was categorised by poor service. We got a Rail Replacement Bus Service that drove past our hotel three times before finally dropping us off there. We then went to a McDonald's but only the drive through was open so we had to pretend to be cars in order to get our food. The Bulgarian burly bloke there was rude so I gave him a piece of my mind (from a safe distance). He wouldn't let me have a Happy Meal so I had to make do with a Crappy Meal. Wolfie and I honoured the post-meet tradition of watching Road Wars on Sky 1 but the new series has got too jazzy, with no concern for human life. Cute doggies though *wags*

We also had our own (RBW) Boat Party, going from Canary Wharf to the Hilton Hotel in Rotherhithe. It lasted about 90 seconds but it was great being on a little clipper on the Thames. It reminded me of Thailand all over again. We also ate in a really nice restaurant in Canary Wharf where I had some delightful Pumpkin soup and a Cheese Board. So everybody won! Particularly me!! I'm now fat. I have a special suit coming in a few weeks and I don't think I will fit into it any more. Better hit the gym a lot this week.

Finally, today is the twentieth anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall - one of the most momentous occasions of the twentieth century. I hope all my German friends enjoy the festivities whilst I am sure most of Eastern Europe will mark one of the most important events in the fall of Communism.

Last night we went over to Carshalton to watch the annual fireworks display. Unfortunately, we failed to properly check that time it started and were half an hour later than we wanted to be. We parked about a mile away (parking is pretty much impossible any closer that night) and as we started walking to the park we could see the fireworks starting. Even from a mile off, they were more impressive than typical back garden displays are from a few metres away.

Got to the park 5 minutes before the display ended after a 20 minutes walk. Broke a few glow sticks and waved them around. Watched the finale of the fireworks and was reminded again how different it is from a garden-style display. It's incredible.

Watched the bonfire for a while afterwards. I realised I'd forgotten ear plugs, but we eventually got to the front of the crowd so as to be out of the direct blast of Radio Lollipop's speaker banks. The bonfire is massive. The stack of pallets they burn there starts out larger than a typical house, and the heat is intense enough to start random smouldering grass fires around "the hogpit", the large dip in the park in which the bonfire is lit. In previous years the heat coming off it has been uncomfortably roasty even from the (I'd guess) 50-100m distance at which the crowd is kept.

My thoughts are: perhaps get a group together to go and see it next year. Admission this year was £6 (or £4 if you bought a ticket in advance) and the profits all go to charity. It's a big event - in the region of 15000 people go - so they can spend quite a bit on fireworks. :) I'll see if I can remember to mention this again in approx 10 or 11 months and see if there's any interest. :)

It's really interesting how many news stories I've read in the past month or two concerning trans- and intersexuality in sports.

I already mentioned this to kalogrenant when he visited me recently, too, and said I should probably make a post about it some time, but I was too lazy so far. ^^ But today, I came across yet another news piece, so...

Anyhow, the first story I read was an article concerning the life of Andreas Krieger, an East-German athlete who started life as a woman. The interesting thing about his case is not just that he's transsexual, but also that as a teenage girl, he was forced to participate in the GDR's doping programme and received large doses of testosterone, up to twice the level a fully-grown adult male would naturally produce; it seems that this is related to his being transsexual, too.

It's a tragic case, of course, but it's also a fascinating one. I cannot possibly speculate on these matters, but I'd be curious to more about what could have been, or what was before; in theory, I could imagine that Krieger was already transsexual and that the drugs merely brought it out faster or earlier than it otherwise would've become apparent, or that he was "latently" transsexual and the drugs brought it out even though it wouldn't otherwise have become apparent, or even that he was not transsexual to begin with before and the drugs actually caused it. No matter what is true – and I obviously cannot on these matters –, it raises interesting questions about gender and identity in general when drugs (even sexual hormones) administered can fundamentally change who and what you are that way.

The second story concerns Dora Ratjen, a German athlete in the 1930s who was raised as a woman, participated in competitions as a woman, and was only later on found to actually be a man, when he was about 20. He apparently died last year at the ripe old age of 89, but never actually talked about his past — which is particularly unfortunate as it seems that the long-held theory that he was forced to pretend he was a woman by the nazis and that he was supposed to replace Gretel Bergmann, an athlete of Jewish ancestry the nazis harassed and who ultimately emigrated to the USA seems to be untrue.

The third concerns a contemporary athlete again, namely Caster Semenya from South Africa, who is apparently intersexed (but self-identifies as a woman). This one's a very interesting case insofar as that it's not clear to me right away how intersexed athletes should be treated in sports in general, in a way that ensures fairness for everyone.

Specifically, on one hand, one could argue that every athlete should simply participate in the events for the gender they self-identify as (so Semenya would continue participating in the women's events, for example). On the other hand, one might say that this would be unfair to those who're not intersexed, at least in this case: that Semenya, for example, has certain physical traits that are closer to men's than would be the case for non-intersexed women, and that therefore, she has an (unfair) advantage. However, one might also reply to that that there's many conditions that would improve someone's ability to compete in certain sports, and that having these was never considered a criterion for locking anyone out of any competition; and if a competitor wasn't able to go as fast or high or far as another due to not having a certain condition, it was a case of "sorry, sucks to be you" (if it was even found out).

Of course, one could also argue that gender, one's sex and intersexuality are nevertheless special. But there's also the question of where intersexed athletes *are* supposed to compete; for example, if it was decided that Semenya couldn't compete as a woman, in the women's events, her career would likely be over completely (after all, where else *could* she compete?).

The last piece I just read recently now was an interview with Nicole Schnaß, a transsexual (m2f) German triathlete. It also raises issues similar to the ones talked about above; others may not always accept that when losing to a transsexual athlete, they really lost to a woman, and depending on the personal integrity of the loser, they might point to the winner's former sex as a reason for why they won — essentially saying "she used to be a man, she's still stronger than real women" or something similar.

Well, it might happen, or it might not, but I suppose that sports officials (and professionals, like the athletes themselves) should better start thinking about issues like these now; chances are we're only seeing the tip of the iceberg for now. (And FWIW, I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't quite a number of trans- and intersexual people who'd like to compete in sports, too, either on a professional or an amateur level, but who cannot right now for much the same reason, or who, at the very least, feel they cannot or do not want to put up with the hassles that'd invariably follow if they did. Treating *those* people fairly and giving them the same chance as everyone else should also be a goal.)

All in all and wrapping up, though, there's a good thing about all this, too, though: the fact that trans- and intersexuality are much more visible in public now than they were even five or ten years ago can only be a good thing. And it seems that sports are generally a good way to introduce the general public to new concepts etc., too: more often than not, it's something that people can identify with or that they enjoy, at the very least, and I think that familiarizing people with these things[1] will be easier this way than it'd be if you focussed only on an abstract, academical discourse.

1. It's not always true, fortunately, but often, familiarity seems to be a necessary precursor to tolerance. Many people seem to have no problem hating or fearing anything and everything they don't know, so the more familiar people are with certain topics, the more likely they'll be to be OK with them. Incidentally and unrelatedly, I think this is one reason why I think many churches etc. are so vehemently opposed to things like equal rights for homosexuals, too: they know that once people'd start seeing that gays and lesbians are normal people, too, they'd stop fearing and hating them. For religions that have been preaching hatred and intolerance forever, this would be a big problem. But I'm disgressing.

Halloween 2009, and another 8-hour marathon outing at Disneyland Paris for some 22 European critters and their helpers:

Lots of sweat and hard work, but incredible amounts of fun as always, particularly as I didn't get to go as a dog this time last year.  The weather was perfect, the park security were (for the most part) very happy to have us there and – despite a huge increase in the number of people in the park compared to previous years – the crowds were all well-behaved.

Thanks to everyone – animals or otherwise – who joined us and, as ever, to timduru for all of his hospitality and for tirelessly organising everything so that we can keep on going back year after year.  Special thanks to my helper Redmoon Wolfen for being brilliant and ensuring that I didn't keel over and die! :)

Sadly Siefer was too tired to make it out for Timduru's dance on Sunday night, but rumours abound that he should be making an appearance in Germany this coming weekend ... :)

Thanks to megadog for hosting another fireworks spectacular!



Armageden was good!

Another interesting thing that occurred to me today — I never had idols I looked up to, celebrities I admired or anything like that, and in a more general sense, I never really had any role models (and I said so as recently as last month), but I think I can identify two now.

Specifically, they're Pippi Longstocking and Zig Zag (yes, that Zig Zag), and for much of the same reason, too: they're both strong, independent women who don't let anybody else tell them what they can or can't or should or shouldn't do, who flaunt their disregard for social norms and conventions, and who are absolutely not afraid to be themselves, no matter what anyone else might say; they're both at ease with themselves and what they are, they accept themselves and love themselves, and they wouldn't want to be anything else.

That's something I'd love, too.

The fact that they're both women seems to be relevant, too, although the psychological mechanisms at work there that would make me prefer women over men as role models are difficult to put into words. At the very least, I'll notice that it's not unfitting – I am gender-fluid –, but not irrelevant, either: even though I'm gender-fluid, I'm not gender-random (to coin a new term), much less a gender abolitionist (no matter what this test said ^.~).

(There's also the fact that they're both fictional characters, BTW. Does that signify anything, other perhaps than the fact that in a certain way, they're more idealized, more "pure" (probably not a word commonly applied to Zig Zag, but it's got a different meaning than that here, obviously) than real people? Something to think about...)

As for Zig Zag, BTW, I appreciate both her raunchy, playful, occasionally rude side (as seen in Sabrina Online, for instance) and her serious, more mature side (as seen in e.g. Zig Zag: the Story), and I see quite a bit of myself (what I'd like to be more so than what I am, perhaps, although it's difficult to gauge when you lack an objective perspective) in both.

EDIT: Oh, and on a vaguely related side note, I wonder if one could also include Slymenstra Hymen (of GWAR) in that list. ^_~ Well, probably not really – I don't know anything about her, even as a character in the GWAR universe –, but her name at least always struck me as extremely powerful; it's very much in-your-face, obviously, very much I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-your-social-norms-and-about-what-you-consider-acceptable-or-unacceptable. In that regard, she certainly fits in with Pippi and Zig Zag above, too. (And hey, if Pippi decided to join a metal band, I imagine this is what she might look like (possibly NSFW, I guess). ^_~) Well, just as an after-thought.

Anyone fancy a trip underground into Cwmorthin mine?

(I should probably point out it was tentatively for this weekend given repair work going on and I wanted to lend a hand to re-timber and shiz but if other people are tempted and wish to come along there's nothing to stop us doing it another time)

Oh and you'll probably want to bring your own shit or rent! This ain't caving, but you'd be getting pretty messy; wearing your favourite pink top and jeans is probably not the smartest idea..

Last note, I'm no instructor and the people I know familiar with routes in Cwmorthin aren't either; so you're responsible for yourself basically.

Originally published at Ohnitsch Cartoons. You can comment here or there.

Whoops, I’m a bit behind, so I’ll post some old stuff first.

We did this in an expensive Restaurant in Amsterdam. Drawings by Henrieke, Tabbie and myself.

The new pony flu strain seems to be spreading fast at the Black Gazza:

(Click for a larger version.)

From left to right, we've got P-57145, an inmate with an unknown number, P-60369 (that's me!), P-60810 and P-60318.

P-60025 also joined us after the above shot was taken:

(Click for a larger version.)

I've got to admit I really like that outfit I've got, too. The gas mask really fits the black latex suit and the pony boots/mittens very well — and masks are always good, anyway. ^.^